Lack
of Understanding
“My biggest
frustration and source of anger, is at those who have refused to take a stand
when they saw the abuse perpetrated by my N ex-husband. No matter how
outrageous his behavior others often stood by and
inadvertently fuelled his grandiosity and denial... although denial is too mild
a word for what N’s practice. It still takes my breath away when I recall the
casual dismissal of my person by this N. Took me so long to figure it out on my
own. Was in therapy for a long time with this person and on my own, no one
really helped me to understand what was happening. I have had to figure it out
on my own then needed others to know what was happening to heal and help me get
away. But it’s so hard to explain unless you experience it up close. I mean
people would see the behaviors but never put the
whole picture together.”
“It’s been my
experience that the Ns LOVE to have some visible manifestation of ‘abuse’ to
show off so as to turn their prey into inflictors instead of responders. No doubt
your N turned around and solicited the sympathy of his next mark by howling, “LOOK what she DID to me”. And of course, you’re standing
there with ‘nothing’ (ha!) but invisible psychic wounds to compare.”
“Anyone who hasn’t
been at the frontlines trying to deal with an N...simply cant get their heads around the devastation they cause to ones
life. The stories are so bizarre that it’s easier for them to believe that
YOU’RE the disturbed one. However, little by little, I am being given
understanding and support, and that’s been extremely validating.”
“I got so sick of
reading the “poor N, bad childhood, mommy didn’t love him enough, blah blah blah” bullshit with no
emphasis on the destruction they constantly wreak in the lives of the people
who love them.”
“…I would like to
explain (being one of the idiot long term N marriages - 30 years) that I could
never express myself to the other woman about what was going on in my
life. I was the only non man-basher when
the gals got together once a month. I
used to listen to them complain and think how very silly they were...they
didn’t know how great they had it. How
do you explain the horrendous behavior of an N to
anyone unless they see it...how do you tell anybody of the incredibly horrible
things they do to degrade you into hell and explain why you haven’t left them”
“Men or women
CANNOT express this confusing world to anybody who hasn’t been there. It is HELL on earth. And so is the recovery process. I don’t think I will ever be capable of
believing anyone again or taking the chance of any more torture.”
“Non-victims can’t
understand this, but the N really does suck the life out of a caring person. I
try to think of my N now as a slimy suckerfish right out of the swamp,
vacuum-lips out and prowling for someone vibrant and attractive to con and
eviscerate.”
“Others around me
would get so tired of the whole thing and insinuate that I was perpetuating
things. All I wanted was for him to leave me alone.”
“Part of the hurt
and damage was done because others could and would not see what was
actually happening. He would always try to ingratiate himself to others it was
sickening.”
“Usually they can
put on the nicest act, and you look like the harpy and bitch, and so everyone
takes their side, it is a horror story, an N can be very charming, and
manipulative and manipulate the wises of people.”
“After all those years of
walking on eggshells, fearful that I would misstep and cause the irrational
rage of my ex, I find myself feeling so absurdly grateful for any bit of
kindness. I never realized how much I needed that drink of water in the
emotional desert.”
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those who’ve been there.
Narcissistic
Personality Disorder Information