Healing
“Such a frustration when our hearts
and heads are not in perfect alignment.
But then, we are imperfect beings and to a degree we are all along for
the ride as passengers. Life is a roller
coaster with all its peaks of excitement and adrenalin and valleys of sadness
and longing. It is not about getting off
the roller coaster, but more or less learning how to ride it and take pleasure
in the peaks and grow in the valleys.”
“Berating yourself for perceived ‘bad’ decisions is
not going to help, but loving yourself out of it will. Learn to accept the one step back and look
forward to the two steps forward.
Recognize that you have thoughts and feelings, but you do not always
have to react to them. Specifically you
can want him back, you can love him, you can miss him, you can pine for him,
but... you do not have to react/act upon any of those thoughts/feelings. There are times when we must be a passenger
in life and there are times where we need to take over and drive. You decide my friend, you decide...”
“I, too mourn the man I thought I
married...sometimes I think I catch glimpses of him now and then; those
glimpses hurt worse than the abuse because they give me hope. I think hope for the N to change is the worst
thought I could entertain. The ANGER is
what makes me feel strong.”
“It’s over, and I’m glad and sad...Because now I look at the months as a
waste. He was a very attractive fox and acted so perfect!! A wall 2 ft. thick…I
never got in a scratch!!”
“For all my pain and suffering, I feel that I am one of the luckier
ones. I did have a pre-nuptial, I still have my house, I still have some
savings, but it’s my soul and heart that need repair.”
“You really don’t know how lucky you are when my marriage ended with my
N, I lost my house, furniture, credit rating, car, everything...but the
children, of course children are responsibility, and it was hard bailing out of
a mess, N’s like sociopaths create impossible situations.”
“I want to be able to look at the good things, the innocent things and
feel they apply to me too. I want to be
able to trust people again... I really
am, by nature, playful, like a big kid.… I AM ENTITLED TO BE THAT WAY!! AND be
SAFE!!”
“I am doing so much better now. I have continued to exercise, get out
more socially and enjoy my freedom. I’m not interested in dating for the moment
- not until maybe next year. I am working on getting healed up and stronger. I
am learning to respect myself more…”
“It does take time for our hearts to get the entire message. I think
there is a part of us that wants so badly to believe that another person will
somehow see the love offered to them and be glad for it, to receive it and
appreciate it”.
“HOW can I blame this entire mess on him? I can’t. Because I lowered my
standards, allowed him to go beyond my boundaries and walk over my limits, I
must take responsibility for that. I never wanted to look like a “selfish
bitch” with him…now why is that? I know why now...because he’s a professional
who played on that insecurity with me.”
“So many of us have attracted Ns all our lives, myself
included. But I guess when you grow up in a family like that, and are taught to be “caregiver” at a young age, you learn the
role well. So many of my ex-boyfriends have the N traits; even a few friends.
I’m really trying to learn to stand up for myself and put me first.”
“It is human nature to second guess ourselves, especially if we have
been rejected. There is not a human being alive that actually dances with
joy when their heart is trashed. Instead, we look for answers, the more
intelligent the harder we look.”
“I happened to see this sad man in a chat room that he and I used to
visit. He didn’t know I was there, but I was very aware of how I didn’t care if
he noticed me or not. I had no desire to contact him. None.
I can’t tell you what freedom this was...I didn’t stay in that chatroom long. As I clicked out of there and focused on my
next task, I was smiling...hallelujah!”
“…every day it becomes more clear that my
situation with my N is totally hopeless - I just try so hard to see the good in
him and I pity him for all the pain he has endured in life - Its easier to
focus on his pain and issues than to focus on mine.”
”It’s time for you now...time to put your own needs first...live life
without the uncertainly of being around a narcissist. Love YOURSELF...!!! If
you’re anything like I was...you’re wondering how you’re going to make it
through the next minute of the day...and it’s a damn scary feeling.
The good news is that it DOES get better...only time will convince you
of that though (time free of the jerk). You cant begin
to heal while staying in communication with him. So I’d strongly recommend that
you do whatever you can to eliminate him from your life.”
“…I do believe that we as individuals possess the power within ourselves
to NOT remain victims of N’s. “Fool me
once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me”. Each of us in our own time will develop the
strength to walk away ‘when’ we are ready and ‘when’ we feel empowered. There is no timeframe and shame on anyone who
insinuates that it is easy, because it is not.”
“Personally in my heart I do not believe that anyone of us sets out to
be a doormat of an N, and yet just because we find ourselves in that position,
does not mean that we are destined to remain there forever playing the role of
victims for the rest of our lives.”
“I put on a notecard in bold letters quotes
and deeds of his when he was what I call “being himself,” things that really
hurt and for which he’s completely unremorseful and has done repeatedly: the
bonding and then pulling away, the mixed messages, the “You’ll just have to get
used to it” message, his flirting which I hate, etc., and I look at it several
times a day.”
“I had to completely cut myself off from him before I realised that his
moods were totally independent of ME. I didn’t respond to him AT ALL, yet each
phone call, email, visit from him confirmed that his moods would come and go in
spite of me. The more I witnessed this, the more I could see how my existence was
a mere decoration in his life.”
“Yes, you’ll still spend most of your time thinking of him, yes, it will
hurt like hell, yes, you’ll reconsider over and over again. But what’s the option.? Staying for
more abuse? Never having YOUR needs met?
Postponing having a REAL relationship? Or even worse- getting used to
being treated like shit?”
“…I’ve decided that if I stay single the rest of my life that will be
better than living in a hellhole and being abused. You don’t deserve someone who cheats on you -
that is horribly abusive and you are too good for that and you need to
understand that and start taking care of you and your needs!”
“At this point, I feel I’m experiencing “post traumatic stress” and have
my good and bad days. I KNOW I will get through this moment, this day, this season in my life. Sometimes my faith is only the size
of a mustard seed, but all wonderful things begin from something tiny. I REFUSE
to let these people - in all their evil glory - destroy my life. God gave us
each ONE life; this is mine and I will not give it to anyone else.”
“IN order for us to heal we must go through the process and that process
is difficult because we must face ourselves and give ourselves permission to
grieve in many different ways. Anger, hurt and depression are all part of the
process and the first steps towards recovery. Next comes the small smiles at
first, an occasional giggle and a brief thought that your
going to be ok. That though will grow and positive feelings will return
gradually. Honor the dark emotions and open yourself
up when you are ready to the positive ones as well.”
“The failure to handle money well, but to spend it on himself is not the
only trait my ex has. I have a story for each and every trait. But I won’t
share them all (yawn)...it’s becoming BORING to talk about him. Sign of
healing? I think so.”
“I want to encourage you that good will come out of this lonely season of
your life. There are so many of us that have been badly shaken, but not totally
destroyed. We CAN’T let them win!”
”Be kind to yourself, nurture yourself, have hot chocolate and read good
books. Pray, take hot bubble baths, be good to yourself while you’re at your
weakest. You’re worthy!!
NO MORE!
“A good come back, to such immaturity and magical wishful hate on her
part is to stare at her 3rd eye, point your left finger at her, and
say in a low menacing voice: “Appo pontos, Kakadaimenosssss....”
It means roughly, “Get outta here, you shit demon!” (greek)”
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to "The Penny Drops": A narcissist survival guide written by
those who’ve been there.
Narcissistic
Personality Disorder Information