Have I been in a
relationship with a narcissist?
“For quite some time I thought my live in boyfriend of 4 years was a
narcissist. He is constant cheater, he is manipulative, he cares only about
himself but pretends to care about me when convenient - he cant commit because
he is already divorced and he cant stay with the same person very long - says
he doesn’t want kids or marriage and jumps jobs a lot, does not know the
concept of saving money, has bankrupted me and has sucked me into his warped
world. I am now co-dependent and a nervous wreck - I constantly snoop through
his things I catch him cheating and he denies it time after time and I don’t
believe a word that comes out of his mouth - can he be a narcissist?”
“For the last ten years I have been deeply in love with a charming and
charismatic man who seems to have many of the classic traits of the N. The last
ten years has been characterised by cycles of what felt to me like intense
closeness followed by indifference and rejection. He has told me he loves
me, has asked me to marry him, then become cold and
rejecting. Often the rejection comes after times of especial closeness.
After being driven to despair by these mixed signals, I have ended our
relationship several times. When this happens, all goes quiet for a while,
then he contacts me, full of charm etc., we get back together and the
cycle repeats itself. He is very rigid and self-absorbed and his attitude
towards me has always been “fit in or f*** off”. I don’t know whether I’m
just suffering from unrequited love for a difficult person who is just not
capable of returning my feelings or whether I have been in the clutches of
a full blown N.”
“How do I convince myself that he is as evil as everyone says and how do
I stop loving such a horrible person who brings nothing to the table? I
have been a step-mom, his banker and his keeper for the last four years
-without gratitude. I have paid his child support and many of his other
bills, I have bailed him out of jail - you name it - the problem is
just when I have had enough he turns on his charm and sucks me back in -
can he really love me - or am I just kidding myself?”
“…my therapist encourages me to look up NPD on the Internet, because
even though my husband refuses to go the therapy (big surprise), everything
I have told her she suspects he has NPD. I did as she suggested and was
devastated, the description of NPD couldn’t have been more accurate if I
had written it my self!!! I feel as though I have just woken from a
bad dream only to discover my reality is MUCH worse than the dream. In one
sense it is a relief, it explains so many things that were baffling for
years, on the other it seems hopeless for any real improvement.”
“He was so wonderful when we met - seemed to be the Knight in Shining
Armour and then what a turnaround! It is a relief to put the puzzle
together to realize I’m not crazy.”
“His arrogance and self-centeredness was something I couldn’t admit. I
spent too much damn time trying to defend myself in all of our
interactions. His perverse way of turning everything into my fault and his
blaming left me battered and exhausted. Now that I have his number and
basically have stopped playing into his sickness, he’s getting even worse.”
“I just seem to forever go around in circles trying to get closure to it
all. We were married for only 8 months. I have been out now for three. I
also had no clue about N’s and that there was something so devastatingly
WRONG with HIM.”
back
to "The Penny Drops": A narcissist survival guide written by
those who’ve been there.
Narcissistic
Personality Disorder Information
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