Contact
“Now he’s getting
in touch again and I don’t know why (he loves me? More use out of me? Or to
hurt me—but WHY??), and I’m a wreck. He knows my buttons and he’s pushing them
with finesse. I still feel the pull and, though I consciously know he’s an asshole
(sorry) and I’m disgusted and furious, I’m having a lot of trouble
internalizing that point. I took a huge emotional risk and crashed—and it
REALLY hurts. I feel like I was set up and I don’t feel like myself.”
“The more you allow
contact, the harder it will be. You have to decide on boundaries and keep them.
Every word he says, every gesture, every point of contact is chinking away at
your heart and your resolve crumbles. He will tell you what you want to hear
... he has spent a life time learning how to manipulate. He is poison...”
“These folks are trained in militarist warfares
of the mind. Most of us are no match because we FEEL, we CARE and we LOVE. All
of these emotions impact our decision making abilities. A narcissist could care
less about any of these emotions, he/she DOES NOT FEEL
at ALL, except perhaps the negative emotions such as RAGE, ANGER, and HATRED.”
“Basically they aren’t good folks - and the only way to handle them is
to get away from them. Then set very strict rules of contact. If you have to
keep contact - keep the rules very, very clear. They will try to charm their
way back into your life. They don’t like to leave folks that have been playing
their game with them especially if it has been a long time. But the thing to
remember is the good side is only an act - it isn’t real.”
“If you REALLY want to have a life without this N in it, avoid him,
don’t go on ‘dates’ with him, don’t consent to friendship, and don’t exchange
cards. Stop supplying him.”
“It was the hardest thing in the world for me to stop playing into the
game of “let’s be friends, even though I can’t be your lover.” I still wake up every night thinking of what
I had hoped might have been, and want to cave in, but I have not. I still think, “Well, maybe, if I just do
this...” I have no desire left for a
love relationship with this person, but I miss the laughter, the intellectual
challenge, all the “hooks” which made it so captivating to begin with. And yet friendship would eventually lead to
more using and abusing, and I bite down hard on the bullet to stay away. It is not easy. It was a brief but extremely intense
affair. I, as most of you, thought I had
found my soul mate. Not so. And the pain is at times unbearable. But oh so slowly, without the influence, I am
starting to find my soul again.”
“Run away now and run away fast.
Don’t look back, only concentrate on looking
forward to what awaits you. You have
earned the right to a happy life, one that is based upon honesty and
reciprocity.”
“Do things for yourself, and tell yourself I am
worth someone special, or a happy life.
Pamper yourself and have apathy towards him and watch him shrivel and
die.”
“So don’t give up hope, it
looks like there comes a day with constant apathy that they go away.”
back
to "The Penny Drops": A narcissist survival guide written by
those who’ve been there.
Narcissistic Personality
Disorder Information